Just Kidding...

... match graciously renewed my membership for me on my behalf so it looks like the fun continues.

I got into an interesting conversation with a random married man, age 38, at the bar last night. Public House, actually- my favorite weeknight place to avoid reality. He was extremely adamant about trying to understand why on earth I joined match.com. This back and forth continued for a good 45 minutes, while my friend sat next to me gleefully entertained.

He simply couldn't grasp why someone "so outgoing and beautiful" would ever join, and what exactly it was that motivated me and what I looking for. When I tried to explain to him the fact that I am not actively seeking a life mate, and thought it might narrow down the city of Chicago based on my pool of specifics, he simply didn't buy it.

Why is it so hard for some guys to understand there are in fact successful, attractive young professionals out there, who don't feel like they need a life partner? I barely have enough time for myself as it is, which is why, 11,000+ profile view and 700+ emails later, I've only gone out on legit dates with three of the guys I've initiated communication with on this site.

I didn't join this site because I can't meet people on my own. I think this is one of the most commonly misnomers of the site in general. This guy was basically baffled. Some people need match. Others dont. For me, it was just a way to see things from a different perspective, and in all actuality I have.

About six weeks have gone by since I first joined, with the intention of finding a version of my ex, that basically has everything I loved about him, plus all the things that forever seemed to be lacking in my mind. I was set on this. Preppy outgoing active social world traveler who likes the finer things in life, but who is honest, sexy, active in the community and social organizations, who can make me laugh, makes me awestruck with my respect for them, and someone who I actualy have a connection with that goes much deeper than beyond the surface. Anyone can get dressed up and go to dinner. Likewise, anyone can lounge around on the couch when you're hungover and eat pizza. I had a hangover buddy and social partygoer for three years, but that doesn't cut it when you want to live a life of passion, energy, and emotion, not just going through the motions of a relationship.

With that said, I entered this internet world with specific intentions- to find what I was looking for. Ironically, after 45 days, I haven't looked for anything, and out of the thousands of people that have in one way shape or form reached out to the profile, photos, and description of my Match persona, I've found myself asking myself again and again, is this someone worth meeting, just for the sake of good conversation? Is this someone worth meeting in general? Is this someone that might bring out a side of me that I didn't know existed before? Who is this person?

And as I've begun to ask myself these questions as I scroll though pictures, profiles, stories, and online personas of these other people, I too have begun to ask the same questions of myself... who am I? What is different from the person I first depicted when looking for that list of characteristics, to the person I've beginning to uncover, to the person I actually aspire to be? And how and when does someone else fit into that equation?

You see, what my friend at the bar last night failed to realize, as do many other men and women on the endless quest to find their other half, is that although life is a process, when you are still in a process of becoming the best version of yourself- a process that sometimes lasts a lifetime,  its hard to find your perfect match. The only thing I'm actively seeking right now, is creating a life of my own, that I could not be happier or prouder of. I'm not looking for someone else to define that for me, which is why at so many points along the road, I felt trapped in someone else's life. And to be honest, I think many, many people, are weak enough to want just that- to settle with their counter part's ideal simple life, at any cost to ever seeking their own.

I, on the other hand, refuse to settle. And what I mean by that word, isn't finding the most educated, high paid, eloquent, social and outgoing world traveler. I'm not talking about what's on paper. I'm talking about how someone makes you feel. I refuse to settle, because my life is mine, and call it bitchy or egotistical, no one deserves to be a part this life I've worked my ass off for, unless they are deserving. I'm not looking for someone to give me the life I've always wanted. I'm doing that for myself. But maybe one day, if I'm lucky, I'll happen to meet someone who has done the same, and respects me for that. In the meantime, I have no problem being the single socialite I am, because quite frankly, I have no problem being 28, and staying home alone sometimes catching up on TV and relaxing.

Its safe to say, however, this has been an unexpected learning process that has challenged me not only to look at myself, but also re-evaluate some of the things that actually do matter- many of which can't be found on a profile or in a picture.

Match, on.


(some more interesting reading material on this topic)
http://www.ivydate.com/blog/the-end-of-marriage/

Transitions

So, its pretty unbelievable, but its been 30 days since I started this blog, and joined match.com. I'm not too sure where all the time went. I probably spend a few days just reading emails from match-ers but it seems like in a blink of an eye that month came and went.

So last night I went on, lets say, my second official Match date with someone who I was genuinely interested in meeting. I must say there is something strange about this process, when it seemingly works like it should... but you are left thinking, what If I like him, and he doesn't like me? We met for sushi in Old Town (by his place, which in hindsight was kind of duche-like) but had some good chit chat and even better wine and sake. I would not say it was the best date I've ever been on, but I felt comfortable. There were things about him that reminded me of my ex, which kind of bothered me, but there were also things I liked about it. At the end of the day, he seemed like a genuine, decent, yet somewhat cocky guy who tries too hard to be funny and probably thinks too highly of himself. But for the most part he was normal, and I would totally go out with him again. 

Today is the 11th hour. I only signed up for a month memebership, and have been toying with the idea if I should renew or cancel. As much as I complain about how shitty this site is and how genuinely strange 90% of the people on there are and how reading and responding took over my life for a while, part of me was tempted to bite the bullet and stay on. I thought maybe if I changed up my profile, and made it private, maybe I could experience match in a different way.

One big hang up I've had this entire time, is, even if I met Mr Right, I'm not in a place personally, where I could be Ms Right, too. Lately I've found myself turning down invitations with some of these random people because, quite frankly, I'm not the person I want to be right now. I feel like I'm still going through my own life transitions and am not armed for the battlefield of love, just the one of wine. When I signed up it was more to see what was out there, but the thought of actually being in a relationship totally freaks me out. I'm happy to go out with and meet new people, but this whole process seemed like a whole lot of work, that inevitably could pay off, but right now just seems like a whole lot of risky nothing.

So you know what I did this week? I did something for myself. I joined a new cycling studio a few blocks away, and since then instead of hours of emailing, I've spent most of my freetime on a stationary bike, and I couldnt be happier. Instead of spending hours staring at a computer screen i actually have been accomplishing something, and it feels great.

And something else happened. In looking for something else to do with my time I stumbled upon an upscale matchmaker who was looking for an assistant to help her do some recruiting. In meeting with her tonight, I kind of felt this line of work would be a piece of cake for me. We talked a bit about online dating, and it was interesting that I saw this opportunity as being the perfect transition out of the past 30 days. Its Match.com without the .com. I see some good things brewing on the horizon.

I'm not against being on Match, and honestly, I will probably go back on. I feel like I have enough numbers, friends, people, and myself to focus on for even just a little while. Maybe if I actually meet all the people I somehow gave my number too, and things come up dry, I try again.

I think this should be an intersting next chaper that I'll obivously continue to document. I mean, I have a lot of mystery men programmed into my phone that I need to start dating.

Match gives me a headache.

Literally.

And I can't decide if its because I'm tired of squinting at the messages and toggling from email to profile, or if its my hangover. In either case, I honestly am losing patience and even more quickly losing interest to the degree I just sit and delete people if I look at their picture and decide they aren't worth meeting. Or responding to. I have stopped paying attention to profiles, because honestly, they all say the same thing.

But you know what doesn't give me a headache? Straightforwardness.

In one email today, some guy asked me to do something specific- Sushi tomorrow night at a specific place. And I said yes. It was that easy. No hassle. No headache. Why don't more people try THAT approach? I be they would be much more successful. To be honest, I can do without the back and forth emails. Most of the time, they just make me realize how boring, non-witty, and dull you are. If you can get my attention, without some cheezy desperate attempt, but just because you sound cool, great. Lets go have sushi. Or if you are attractive enough, and ask me to do something specific, I probably won't turn you down.

I'm starting to wonder how may people actually read through all these profiles, and more so, how effective or important a profile really is. They are basically there to grab your attention, and then you forget about it. Isn't that what looks do? Get the initial attention? Then its substance that keeps you interested? I'm finding a lack of substance in general, and just a lot of unnecessary fluff.

Slightly nervous for my dinner date tomorrow- but maybe this guy will change my perspective of this whole thing. If he was smart enough to figure out how to snag a Saturday night date with a stranger, he's at least worth talking to. Can't be that bad... can it? Too bad Excedrin can't cure awkwardness. Only vino does, which ultimately only equals more headaches.

At this point, I don't even know what day it is....

Somewhere around day 10 or 11, my shock and frustration got the best of me, and I couldn't even bring myself to write about this anymore. Lets just say the few times I have chosen to "put myself out there" have been terrible. Well, maybe not terrible, but pretty freaking bad. No, they were terrible. So much, I decided to take a break from looking at match, or responding to anyone, to just take a moment to digest and sit back.

I'm starting to think my stereotypical assumptions about the majority of people on this site, are true. A lot of these people have no people skills, or at least some serious problems, that hiding behind a screen can help us describe. Lets be honest, we are all perfect on paper. Anyone can seem like a dream boat behind a perfectly orchestrated selection of qualities, traits, hobby, and photos.

I'm also starting to realize everyone is looking for the same thing. Someone who's fun, to explore the city with, who likes to get dressed up to go out but can also spend a night at home. HELLO? Isn't that what we all frickin 'want? The difference sets in if you're cool and have a personality or if you're dull as a doornail.

I don't even know if its worth my time recapping in detail the past few match encounters I've had, so I'll just share some cliff notes.

1) After a 2 hour IM conversation at 10pm, I agreed to meet DJ at a college bar near UIC where, at midnight, we engaged in life meaningful conversation while Keisha was blaring and 18 year olds were spilling their drinks in plastic cups on me as they got them from the bar. This guy is 30? No wonder he's on match. Fail.

2) I thought I would expand my horizons last week and meet up with a Dr who is new to the city, I was completely unattracted to, but offered to take me to the Symphony as he was the doctor on call. I thought why not, perhaps we can have some enlightening conversation and it might be nice. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone just for the sake of a new experience. While the music was nice, and the wine after was good, his company was awkward. So, I basically left my date with him and went to go meet....

3) Another guy I had been emailing who again, on email, thought might be a hit. Similar backgrounds, educated, not too bad on the eyes, world traveler, he even seemed kind of preppy. We had a great email exchange. I thought, maybe, just maybe, this could be a good match. What is with these losers who are just basically incredibly socially awkward? I mean, again, I'm not perfect, but after a few glasses of wine, anyone can be entertaining... or at least have something interesting to talk about. Fail (x2 that night)

4) I went out last night to watch the bears game with some friends, and basically told someone who had been trying to meet me for a drink to "swing by" in an effort to keep things casual with friends. I dont even think I can type about this one without getting frustrated.  Not only did he swing by, order drink's on my friends tab, and then tell me about how many children he hopes to have, I asked him politely that  we should probably meet some other time, as this wasn't really the type of environment to have life plan conversation, and he wouldn't leave. Even after I asked him to. And told him I wasn't interested.


Now, I don't get it. Am I doing something wrong? I honestly don't understand how I'm ending up with all these crazy people. No wonder people find a "match" on here... because between all the weirdos they go out with by the time they finally find someone normal, they seem like a match made in heaven.


Part of me may be bitter at this point, I had a rough weekend. I starting to question what I even want right now. Maybe it really is just time to focus on myself for a while... Maybe while I'm out there being myself, the right person will just come along, because right now I feel like I'm wasting my life away looking for that person on a computer. And on that note, I'll sign off for now. Cheers.

Day Nine: Old School

Wednesday, September 28th


Quick birdseye update. 8 days. 12 hours. 
And so far...

Emails: 271

Winks: 390

Profile views: 1119

Profile Photo view: 3208


Earlier this week when I managed to find some down time, for my own sanity I attempted to empty out and either delete or sort through my ravaged inbox, and at least try and respond to some of the people who seemed worth communicating with. Four hours later, I felt like I had climbed Mount Fuji, and that match life was once again manageable. Clean slate. Out with the old, in with the new. 36 hours later, 52 new unread messages. sigh.


Part of this is starting to stress me out. Its completely self induced stress. I don't need to keep up with this. I dont even need to read through these messages or pay attention to the winks. But, what if he's out there? What if he is one of those messages? And how am I supposed to be able to figure that out unless I not only read all of them, but look through each of the profiles and photos of the senders?


I'm starting to see two distinct groups of people trying to get my attention on match, that I have actually begun to communicate. There are emailers, and there are text/IMers. I can easily differentiate these two groups for you. Over 29- emailers. 28 and under? text/IMers. I think there are pros and cons for both of these types of communications. The emailers seems serious. I've gotten life stories followed by an invitation to have dinner anywhere in the city. Tempting. Then I have the younger guys shooting the shit with me all hours of the day, saying hi, or asking to meet up for a game at the bar. I neither like nor dislike, its just interesting, and I think it points out a certain mentality and maturity and intention.


Enough with me complaining about all these messages (although it seems to be one of the predominant gripes of my experience thus far) lets talk more about a few of the people who have actually gotten my attention now that PilotB is flying around the country until next week.  I'll start with my favorite and move down and have included their profile headlines from match.


1) D4BJ- "DAMN, i couldnt find a pic of me in my fav Ed Hardy shirt"
A trader who is currently working evening shifts. And since they tend to be boring, we began our IMship. He is 28, an ex college athlete, but is not on facebook, which I highly respect. (unless he is hiding from his past) We started chatting, and after what seemed to be a very fun, lighthearted and fluid conversation, we realized we had even more in common. He, too, just went through a breakup and his ex moved out, and over jokes and some good laughs we found a truly common ground. It was like the old school AIM convos. Strange talking about life with someone you never met via screen. He is going to FL this weekend by himself for what seems to be a much needed vacation. (jealous) I feel like our personalities mesh well from the shit we give eachother on IM. For example as I'm writing this he sent me a link about beer tasting- something not necessarily up my alley. We have tentatively planned a trip to Boston this fall, that is, if we ever actually meet.


2) Rebs321- "When life hands you lemons, just say 'screw the lemons' and bail."
Born and raised Chicagoan, but only 25. I give him credit because he is training for the Marathon in two weeks, and I promised him a fresh mix of some new running tunes. Our main communication thus far has been texting, but he flaked at a potential brunch date last weekend. Needless to say, I got him back for canceling our plans tonight. He lives in lakeview :( which is negative points in my book. Downtown people? Hello? Looking forward to meeting him, am a bit skeptical, but cut enough to overlook it. I mean, he can't live in Lakeview forever, right? He's only 25.


3) LegalGuy20- "When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
Hmm, heavy. Maybe the most serious of these guys, after a series of emails, we realized that not only do we live in the same area, we live in the SAME BUILDING. He's on floor 20. Maybe that will be his new nickname. lol. He found it surprising he had "not seen me before" thats because I'm usually late for work, and I usually look like shit except when I'm heading out on the weekends, and many of the weekends this summer, I was barely even home. He seems nice, but a bit stuffy and by-the-book type, but what do you expect from a lawyer? I don't think he's my match made in heaven, but I think it would be nice to make a friend in the building to grab a drink with, or order in some food. I also kind of canceled on him today too. Oops. Our next tentative date is in the laundry room.


4) TravelDude- The only thing this guy hasn't done is end world hunger. Even I'm intimidated by him. Which is why we have a date Saturday. I'll save the details for after that.


So the progress is slow and steady. All in all, I'm starting to think this is a good distraction, as long as I keep it a distraction and not my new life motive. This is just the surface of some other interesting things that are brewing, but I'll wait and share those with you tomorrow ;) For tonight, thats all, folks. 

Day Eight: The First Date

Tuesday, September 26 2pm

I finally sobered up enough to write todays post. When I got to work this morning, I could barely keep my eyes open because I was up until 3am last night finishing the bottle of wine I opened the day I started this blog. And, appropriately, I finished it with on my couch with none other than PilotB- the reason I got caught up in this to begin with.

First, may I please point out, I have never been on a blind date, much less, met up with someone I began communicating with on a website expect to sell a ticket off craigslist. The only thing I could potentially compare "blind" experience to in my life was the one time I promised some guy, while slightly intoxicated, that I would be his date to his birthday party the next night at level, and had to hide across the street when I called his cell to tell him once I was there, because I had no recollection of what he looked like and needed some indication when he walked out of the bar. Yes, this happened.

Going into this "situation" last night my head was more than clouded. In the 6 days that have passed since I last talked to B, I have received, read and responded to hundreds of profiles and emails from Match bachelors. Hundreds. So, needless to say, when I got his text yesterday asking if we were still on to get together before he flew out for the week, I hesitated, and said "sure". But I wasn't sure. In my head, I asked myself, what if this is a huge mistake? Between the hundreds of pictures, texts, ims I had been innundated with, that initial excitement, and flat out interest, had somewhat faded in the shuffle. Guys seemed cuter, smarter, wittier, more successful. What if he is totally weird and a huge looser? What if he thinks he's totally funny, but in reality, he's just socially awkward?

As I sprinted to the gym for a last minute workout in denial that I was actually about to go out with this guy, I sent a text asking what he felt like doing. When his recommended a hole in the wall bar down the street, I think that may have been the point that panic, fear, and regret set in. Between rushing home from spin class and somehow get showered and ready in 40 minutes I didn't even have time to be nervous. But, when I was finishing my makeup and he sent a text saying he was on his way, I could feel my heart start to race, and my stomach sink. This was it. Go big or go home.

So, I pop a xanex. This could potentially have either been the best, or worst, idea. I'm still deciding.

I get down to my lobby and there he is. His picture, in 3D. He's wearing something pseudo hipsteresque- tight light grey pants, which I kind of dig, a black and grey striped v neck, and a black jacket. He's smaller than I imagined, but kind of perfect in a way. I walk up to give him a hug, and.... he reaches out his hand. Awkward.

So we start walking, no destination in mind, in the misting rain. We chit chat about our neighborhoods, he tells me he doesn't quite know my area area quite well. (really? River North?) My worry about how awkward this night might be sets in further.

But it wasn't. Its always a good sign when the conversation is so fluid and constant that your waiter keeps coming over to take your order and you have not looked at the menu because you're lost in what you're talking about. This is how the rest of the night continued. We were probably two of the only people left in the restaurant come the time we finished, and I honestly was enjoying myself so much, I didn't want the conversation to end. So what else is there to do than head back to my place?

There was some drinking, there was some talking, there was some pandora... some standing on my balcony. I'm still not quite sure why, but something about the whole thing made me feel strangely comfortable. Blame it on the two glasses of wine and the Moscow Mule I had on our date, because I'm not quite sure what gave me the comfort level for eventually inviting this stranger into my apartment. That first night that we talked, we on the phone for 2 hours, and he made some joke about the experience of feeling like we were in high school. To be honest, that sums it up pretty well. There was something innocent about the late night high school phone calls, just as there was something innocent and awkwardly wonderful about kissing him for the first time. There was also something about the entire situation that seemed strangely creepy. Like, is this person really who he says he is?

All in all, I would say my first Match date was a success. I could have done without the hangover today, but this was definitely the confidence boost I needed to get this ball rolling for bigger and better things. And by bigger, I don't mean 43 year old divorced guy with two kids from Wilmette, who keeps asking if he can take me to club Paris.

What a warm up. Bring it.

Day Seven: Faces

Monday,  September 25th

Its been a few days, because after last week, I needed a break from the reading, messaging, and evaluating. I needed time to actually live my life. Aside from a stiff neck, I've noticed something substantial change in me within the last week since engaging with this site (that I constantly struggle to differentiate between a blessing or a curse).

Suddenly, when I walk down the street, I look at people's faces.

Strange, I know. Now, I can't tell you when I stopped doing this, but the only thing I can attribute this to, is the fact that over the past week, I have sat and stared at photos, trying to decide a) if I should respond to this strangers email, b) if I potentially might have chemistry with this person and c) what this flat image might actually translate to in real life.

Call me superficial, call me whatever you want, the truth is, I've spent more time looking at faces  lately, than I have actually skimming through the 40 something emails I get a day. I read a few sentences and then look at photos. Are they all head shots? Does this person actually have friends? A family? Its crazy what you can take away of what someone values just by glancing through the photos they choose to put up. Its a snapshot not just of someone's face, but of their life. I feel like I've acquired a skill for quickly evaluating the difference between someone trying to prove something, and someone just sharing a glimpse of their non virtual world.

And, while I still think this experience is utterly strange, awkward, and confusing, I was shocked at myself as I make eye contact with strangers more and more in my daily life. I dont know if its because I'm trying to recognize them from the 5,000+ photos I've seen lately, or if merely, I'm just used to looking at someone in a deeper way.

I think for a long time throughout the past ten years, I developed a habit of avoiding eye contact with other people. And not just strangers. I'm not exactly sure why. And when I do. I usually try and look away as quickly as possible. Whatever the reason, its a refreshing change that I'm actually aware and suddenly dialed in to the people around me. With this new skill of locking eyes, maybe I'll actually meet someone in person, and not just on a screen.

Day Four: Texting... After Midnight

It's official- as I have a direct link on my internet browser to match.com. I'm not sure if this move was efficient or pathetic.

The past five days have been... interesting.

First, I'm exhausted. Why? Because I spend so much time at night trying to play catch up with all these messages, that every day I have been going to bed after midnight. And this isn't the kind of after midnight pretty lights made popular. This is crash and burn. 

Aside from exhaustion, I learned my first valuable lesson about my interaction with the eligible men of Match. Yesterday, I recieved a "VIP" email. Apparently this is a big deal, since you can only send one a week. I guess its supposed to make me feel special? Regardless, after I kindly explained to this interest located basically on the border of Wisconsin that I am not really interested, as I'm looking for someone that lives in the city, he persisted and begged that we just talk and see where things go. Out of guilt and pity, I then proceed to innocently give him my phone number.

MISTAKE.

Simultaneously, as I must have been on some guilt trip streak, because I also gave my number to a kid who also lived in WI purely because he was hot, and asked if he could take me to dinner. 

MISTAKE 2.

Fool me one, shame on you. Fool me twice? I'm an idiot. Maybe the exhaustion was getting to my brain?

For the next several hours, past the hour of midnight, my phone is getting constant texts. Between Tweedle Dumb who is trying to get me to play 20 questions, and Tweedle Dumber who asked if he could get in his car and drive to my apartment that night, I realized my screening process was going to need some revisions. 

I know I'm new to all of this, but honestly, I should have known better. When I woke up for work today, and Tweede One had already sent me a message saying good morning, and it was at that point I had to draw the line and give a subtle hint. And by subtle, I basically had to be a bitch. And here I am, once again, feeling like the bad guy thanks to the pathetic people I can't help but reject. Moving forward, I'm just deleting if I have reason to. Like, if someone's location isn't Chicago, they are getting deleted unless they are good looking enough to produce model like offspring.

Here is my new list of reasons to delete your message instantly under any circumstances:

1. If you are over 38
2. If you are under 24
3. If you have a gotee or other strange facial hair
4. If you aren't IN Chicago
5. If you work for a union
6. If you have a sleeve tatoo or wearing a gold chain
7. If you clearly don't take care of yourself
8. If in your profile you only exercise 1-2 times per week
9. If your profile has 8 paragraphs as a summary
10. If your email ONLY says "hey", "wow", "Can I buy you a drink", or "I don't like sushi"
11. If anything in your headline is clearly mis-spelled, and its not because you were typing fast.
12. If you didn't finish college
13. If you're just ugly

Everything else is simply subjective, but moving forward these are no exceptions. Regardless, whoever you are out there in Match world, nothing is worth sacrificing my beauty sleep over. From now on, there is only one thing that should be keeping me up after midnight.

Day Three: Diversity

Its 10am, and I'm back on.

After all the reading and deleting I did yesterday, I decided to take matters into my own hands and wink at 6 guys I actually thought were good looking and call it a day, we'll see if anything happens. Why waste my time with all these randoms?

One thing i have to point out is the Match.com interface sucks. There is no way to neatly organize the people you want to talk to, and throw away the rest. Its kind of crazy. And frustrating. You would think with all the technology we have at our fingertips, someone behind this moneymaker could do something productive for the people who might actually want to use this site for some good. Is this a conspiracy against attractive people?

I'd like to take this post opportunity to point out some of the interesting things I've been noticing since the two days I've been on match.

1. Don't post pics in scrubs. Period. Espeically if you're not even a doctor.
2. Your main pic shouldn't be one that you took of yourself in a mirror. Lets get serious.
3. Nor should it be one of you holding your camera out in front of you.
4. No more affliction tee shirts. Thanks.
5. If you're going to send me an email. Don't send me the identical email 4 hours later. Thats like applying for the same job, twice. You just look retarded.
6. Learn how to spell, people.

Its interesting because being on this website has reminded me what standards are.

Which, is why, I actually am going to go on a date Friday with someone who I already knew.

But, at least the upside is that five people asked me to go get a drink tonight. The downside is one of them already managed to find me on facebook, because not only did he recognize me from college, but is friends with my exboyfriend's exgirlfriend. Yup. A small world it is.

Day Two: Weeding

10:00am Wednesday September 21st

I wake up at 8:50 today due to the fact that I was up until 2am looking at this f*ing website. Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

I am scared to even look at my gmail inbox and wait until I get to my desk at work to see the damage. 50 more emails. ugh.


So this is how I'm feeling- I don't have time for this shit. I dont even have time to weed out the half decent messages or people. I feel like I should be doing something productive, like updating my resume, or actually doing my job. And you know what else I dont know? What "ChiGuy" 40, from Lombard does for a living, because somehow he has managed to send me two emails, wink, and try to initiate a chat session since I joined. Sorry old guy in suburbs, I'm not interested.

I kept my profile pretty simple and to the point for a reason. I'm not picky, but I made what I was looking for PRETTY SPECIFIC: 26-34, within a 5 mile radius from Chicago. To be honest, if I could ask for a 3 mile radius from the location of my apartment, that would be ideal, but clearly that's not happening.

I think its interesting the vail of confidence that the internet gives people. I forgot about it, because the last time I experienced it was circa 1995 when AIM was the rage, and for the first time, I had the guts I wanted to say to people I wanted to say it to, I just hid behind a screen name.

There is definitely a creepy factor to all of this, that continues to make it hard for me to take this seriously. And after reading through some of these pathetic pleas to respond, I'm starting to regret doing any of this. I'm starting to feel bad at myself for hitting delete. I might need to take a day off.

I'm sure in an hour I'll be back on reading more messages. Maybe in a few minutes. Ok I'm going to go look now. This is kind of addicting, but maybe its the confidence boost I needed.

On a separate note, I probably shouldn't have drank that bottle of wine last night as I'm pretty sure I made a date with PilotB tonight. Whoops.

Day One: The Plunge

Tuesday September 20th- 9:20pm

On a whim I decided to do something different for the hell of it today. And once I realized what exactly I signed up for, I had no choice but to document and share this experience with complete strangers. Thank you for letting me entertain you and the expense of my late twenty-something life.

Let me give you some background.

I am pushing 30. Not so bad for a young, attractive, educated professional who lives in the city of Chicago. River North to be exact. Not to mention, I'm kind of wild. And by kind-of, lets just say, I mean, entertaining. So, why match? I have not met my soulmate. But clearly my soulmate is out there. All 300 of them. Because somehow in the past 3 hours since I left my office to meet friends for Birthday cocktails I have managed to make spark more interest than jaws in a pool of blood. Really? In four hours? Lets be honest. I might be sassy, and I think my attitude makes up for the fact that I'm 5'2", but only the people who know me in real life, not just in virtual reality, realize that.

Lets share some stats from my summary bar upon my arrival home this evening:
Emails: 45
Winks: 62
Profile views: 180
Profile Photo view: 500

So lets backtrack for a moment.

A few days ago something hit me. Maybe it was a bottle of vino. Maybe it was someone at the bar that I was too drunk to remember, but when the guy I've been seeing all summer, called me to give me the recent update of which girl he accidently slept with last weekend, I realized that maybe joining Match.com wasn't such a downgrade.

Lets be a little more honest. I'm pushing 30. As my mother tells me, 30 is the new 20, but in reality, its not that I'm "looking for someone" but I really don't care to waste my time with guys who call me on mondays to say sorry. I'm not looking to walk down the isle here. Lets be REALLY honest. I dont know what the hell I'm looking for. A good laugh?

As it was brought to my attention this weekend, two of my favorite people in my life who are getting married in two weeks met on Match.com. I had lunch today with a coworker today who just moved in with her boyfriend, and they met a year ago on Match.com. These are cool people. People I love, respect, and adore. I mean, these people are attactive, funny, dynamic individuals who know how to party (which is huge in my book). They arn't people who needed a dating website to get laid. But maybe they needed it to get laid by the person who was acutally worth fucking, rather than a guy who lives a few floors up in your building. Seriously.

So, it was a Tuesday. Work was slow. Lately, I've been strangely disillusioned by the lack of substantial quality men in my life. My friend at lunch suggested I just make a profile name and take a few days to "look around"... and here we go.

... 1:15 I get back from lunch
... 1:20 I open match.com on my computer and make the window as small as possible so no one can see it as they walk by my office door
... 1:35 I somehow manage to sign up for an ID on Match.com in the minimum sized window, all the while looking over my shoulder embarassed that anyone might see the logo in the lower corner of my screen
... 1:40 Paranoid, I fill out a profile of some surface things I'm "looking for" in men. This feels strange.
... 1:45 Match.com kindly offers me a LARGE selection of eligible bachelors to choose from in the Chicagoland area... and beyond. Thanks. From first glance, I hate myself. Between the aviator proportion, and interesting facial hair I'm witnessing makes me want to hate the fact I even thought this was an option.
... 1:50 I struggle to toggle between profiles within the .5 inch photos inside the 1 inch minimized window on my work laptop
... 2:00 Finanace meeting. Shit. I actually have work to do.

What the hell am I doing? I'M ON A DATING WEBSITE? What has my life come to? I'm not fat or ugly or any of these things. I actually, have few good dance moves, not to mention, after a few glasses of wine, I consider myself to be somewhat entertaining. So what am I doing this for?

Well, clearly something tells me I have nothing to loose. Right? That Mr. Something must be out there. Right?

... 3:05 I try sitting with my laptop elsewhere in my office building where I can try to explore the memebers of Match in privacy. The wireless internet on my shitty work imac isn't working. UGH.

...3:20 I resort back to my office, but sit in a comfy chair in the far back corner of my office so I can face the door rather than sit at my desk. Now we are down to business.

... 3:30 I scroll... and scroll... and scroll...

... 3:40 Jackpot. I find one picture of someone who actually catches my eye. PilotB. Something about this photo seems honest. Something about it, despite its honestly, seems totally "me". Weird. I click on to read his profile. New to Chi. Check. Legit job. Check. Not lame. Check. World traveler. Educated. Seems pretty real and down to earth. Is he cool? Love the eyes. Maybe I'll "wink" at him...

so for those of you new to this, "winking" in match world is the equivalent of facebook poking, but better.

...3:42 I wink, and then I'm told by Match.com I need to make a profile for him to recieve it. Fuck.
...4:05 I complete my profile and submit it.
...4:10 I'm staring at my computer waiting for my profile to be accepted so Pilot gets my wink.
...4:30 Match.com approves my profile. I wait for a response.
...4:35 I take matters into my own hands and send him a message... OH WAIT, in order to send a message, you need to PURCHASE A MEMBERSHIP. I buckle and spend the 35 bucks to see if he might respond.

...10:02 35 bucks and few glasses of vino later, Pilot and I are texting. Unfortunately, my cellphone is also making techno music from the alerts I'm recieving from the members frantically reaching out from the Match.com site. Funny. I need to fix that, stat.

All I know is, I already got what I set out for... the rest of it is just an experience, that I'm more than delighted to share with you... enjoy. With a beer. And a shot. I'm gonna need both.

________

update**

Its 1:04 am and I just got off the phone with PilotB.
We talked for 2 hours and 5 minutes. Maybe this shit does work.