Day One: The Plunge

Tuesday September 20th- 9:20pm

On a whim I decided to do something different for the hell of it today. And once I realized what exactly I signed up for, I had no choice but to document and share this experience with complete strangers. Thank you for letting me entertain you and the expense of my late twenty-something life.

Let me give you some background.

I am pushing 30. Not so bad for a young, attractive, educated professional who lives in the city of Chicago. River North to be exact. Not to mention, I'm kind of wild. And by kind-of, lets just say, I mean, entertaining. So, why match? I have not met my soulmate. But clearly my soulmate is out there. All 300 of them. Because somehow in the past 3 hours since I left my office to meet friends for Birthday cocktails I have managed to make spark more interest than jaws in a pool of blood. Really? In four hours? Lets be honest. I might be sassy, and I think my attitude makes up for the fact that I'm 5'2", but only the people who know me in real life, not just in virtual reality, realize that.

Lets share some stats from my summary bar upon my arrival home this evening:
Emails: 45
Winks: 62
Profile views: 180
Profile Photo view: 500

So lets backtrack for a moment.

A few days ago something hit me. Maybe it was a bottle of vino. Maybe it was someone at the bar that I was too drunk to remember, but when the guy I've been seeing all summer, called me to give me the recent update of which girl he accidently slept with last weekend, I realized that maybe joining Match.com wasn't such a downgrade.

Lets be a little more honest. I'm pushing 30. As my mother tells me, 30 is the new 20, but in reality, its not that I'm "looking for someone" but I really don't care to waste my time with guys who call me on mondays to say sorry. I'm not looking to walk down the isle here. Lets be REALLY honest. I dont know what the hell I'm looking for. A good laugh?

As it was brought to my attention this weekend, two of my favorite people in my life who are getting married in two weeks met on Match.com. I had lunch today with a coworker today who just moved in with her boyfriend, and they met a year ago on Match.com. These are cool people. People I love, respect, and adore. I mean, these people are attactive, funny, dynamic individuals who know how to party (which is huge in my book). They arn't people who needed a dating website to get laid. But maybe they needed it to get laid by the person who was acutally worth fucking, rather than a guy who lives a few floors up in your building. Seriously.

So, it was a Tuesday. Work was slow. Lately, I've been strangely disillusioned by the lack of substantial quality men in my life. My friend at lunch suggested I just make a profile name and take a few days to "look around"... and here we go.

... 1:15 I get back from lunch
... 1:20 I open match.com on my computer and make the window as small as possible so no one can see it as they walk by my office door
... 1:35 I somehow manage to sign up for an ID on Match.com in the minimum sized window, all the while looking over my shoulder embarassed that anyone might see the logo in the lower corner of my screen
... 1:40 Paranoid, I fill out a profile of some surface things I'm "looking for" in men. This feels strange.
... 1:45 Match.com kindly offers me a LARGE selection of eligible bachelors to choose from in the Chicagoland area... and beyond. Thanks. From first glance, I hate myself. Between the aviator proportion, and interesting facial hair I'm witnessing makes me want to hate the fact I even thought this was an option.
... 1:50 I struggle to toggle between profiles within the .5 inch photos inside the 1 inch minimized window on my work laptop
... 2:00 Finanace meeting. Shit. I actually have work to do.

What the hell am I doing? I'M ON A DATING WEBSITE? What has my life come to? I'm not fat or ugly or any of these things. I actually, have few good dance moves, not to mention, after a few glasses of wine, I consider myself to be somewhat entertaining. So what am I doing this for?

Well, clearly something tells me I have nothing to loose. Right? That Mr. Something must be out there. Right?

... 3:05 I try sitting with my laptop elsewhere in my office building where I can try to explore the memebers of Match in privacy. The wireless internet on my shitty work imac isn't working. UGH.

...3:20 I resort back to my office, but sit in a comfy chair in the far back corner of my office so I can face the door rather than sit at my desk. Now we are down to business.

... 3:30 I scroll... and scroll... and scroll...

... 3:40 Jackpot. I find one picture of someone who actually catches my eye. PilotB. Something about this photo seems honest. Something about it, despite its honestly, seems totally "me". Weird. I click on to read his profile. New to Chi. Check. Legit job. Check. Not lame. Check. World traveler. Educated. Seems pretty real and down to earth. Is he cool? Love the eyes. Maybe I'll "wink" at him...

so for those of you new to this, "winking" in match world is the equivalent of facebook poking, but better.

...3:42 I wink, and then I'm told by Match.com I need to make a profile for him to recieve it. Fuck.
...4:05 I complete my profile and submit it.
...4:10 I'm staring at my computer waiting for my profile to be accepted so Pilot gets my wink.
...4:30 Match.com approves my profile. I wait for a response.
...4:35 I take matters into my own hands and send him a message... OH WAIT, in order to send a message, you need to PURCHASE A MEMBERSHIP. I buckle and spend the 35 bucks to see if he might respond.

...10:02 35 bucks and few glasses of vino later, Pilot and I are texting. Unfortunately, my cellphone is also making techno music from the alerts I'm recieving from the members frantically reaching out from the Match.com site. Funny. I need to fix that, stat.

All I know is, I already got what I set out for... the rest of it is just an experience, that I'm more than delighted to share with you... enjoy. With a beer. And a shot. I'm gonna need both.

________

update**

Its 1:04 am and I just got off the phone with PilotB.
We talked for 2 hours and 5 minutes. Maybe this shit does work.