Day Seven: Faces

Monday,  September 25th

Its been a few days, because after last week, I needed a break from the reading, messaging, and evaluating. I needed time to actually live my life. Aside from a stiff neck, I've noticed something substantial change in me within the last week since engaging with this site (that I constantly struggle to differentiate between a blessing or a curse).

Suddenly, when I walk down the street, I look at people's faces.

Strange, I know. Now, I can't tell you when I stopped doing this, but the only thing I can attribute this to, is the fact that over the past week, I have sat and stared at photos, trying to decide a) if I should respond to this strangers email, b) if I potentially might have chemistry with this person and c) what this flat image might actually translate to in real life.

Call me superficial, call me whatever you want, the truth is, I've spent more time looking at faces  lately, than I have actually skimming through the 40 something emails I get a day. I read a few sentences and then look at photos. Are they all head shots? Does this person actually have friends? A family? Its crazy what you can take away of what someone values just by glancing through the photos they choose to put up. Its a snapshot not just of someone's face, but of their life. I feel like I've acquired a skill for quickly evaluating the difference between someone trying to prove something, and someone just sharing a glimpse of their non virtual world.

And, while I still think this experience is utterly strange, awkward, and confusing, I was shocked at myself as I make eye contact with strangers more and more in my daily life. I dont know if its because I'm trying to recognize them from the 5,000+ photos I've seen lately, or if merely, I'm just used to looking at someone in a deeper way.

I think for a long time throughout the past ten years, I developed a habit of avoiding eye contact with other people. And not just strangers. I'm not exactly sure why. And when I do. I usually try and look away as quickly as possible. Whatever the reason, its a refreshing change that I'm actually aware and suddenly dialed in to the people around me. With this new skill of locking eyes, maybe I'll actually meet someone in person, and not just on a screen.