... match graciously renewed my membership for me on my behalf so it looks like the fun continues.
I got into an interesting conversation with a random married man, age 38, at the bar last night. Public House, actually- my favorite weeknight place to avoid reality. He was extremely adamant about trying to understand why on earth I joined match.com. This back and forth continued for a good 45 minutes, while my friend sat next to me gleefully entertained.
He simply couldn't grasp why someone "so outgoing and beautiful" would ever join, and what exactly it was that motivated me and what I looking for. When I tried to explain to him the fact that I am not actively seeking a life mate, and thought it might narrow down the city of Chicago based on my pool of specifics, he simply didn't buy it.
Why is it so hard for some guys to understand there are in fact successful, attractive young professionals out there, who don't feel like they need a life partner? I barely have enough time for myself as it is, which is why, 11,000+ profile view and 700+ emails later, I've only gone out on legit dates with three of the guys I've initiated communication with on this site.
I didn't join this site because I can't meet people on my own. I think this is one of the most commonly misnomers of the site in general. This guy was basically baffled. Some people need match. Others dont. For me, it was just a way to see things from a different perspective, and in all actuality I have.
About six weeks have gone by since I first joined, with the intention of finding a version of my ex, that basically has everything I loved about him, plus all the things that forever seemed to be lacking in my mind. I was set on this. Preppy outgoing active social world traveler who likes the finer things in life, but who is honest, sexy, active in the community and social organizations, who can make me laugh, makes me awestruck with my respect for them, and someone who I actualy have a connection with that goes much deeper than beyond the surface. Anyone can get dressed up and go to dinner. Likewise, anyone can lounge around on the couch when you're hungover and eat pizza. I had a hangover buddy and social partygoer for three years, but that doesn't cut it when you want to live a life of passion, energy, and emotion, not just going through the motions of a relationship.
With that said, I entered this internet world with specific intentions- to find what I was looking for. Ironically, after 45 days, I haven't looked for anything, and out of the thousands of people that have in one way shape or form reached out to the profile, photos, and description of my Match persona, I've found myself asking myself again and again, is this someone worth meeting, just for the sake of good conversation? Is this someone worth meeting in general? Is this someone that might bring out a side of me that I didn't know existed before? Who is this person?
And as I've begun to ask myself these questions as I scroll though pictures, profiles, stories, and online personas of these other people, I too have begun to ask the same questions of myself... who am I? What is different from the person I first depicted when looking for that list of characteristics, to the person I've beginning to uncover, to the person I actually aspire to be? And how and when does someone else fit into that equation?
You see, what my friend at the bar last night failed to realize, as do many other men and women on the endless quest to find their other half, is that although life is a process, when you are still in a process of becoming the best version of yourself- a process that sometimes lasts a lifetime, its hard to find your perfect match. The only thing I'm actively seeking right now, is creating a life of my own, that I could not be happier or prouder of. I'm not looking for someone else to define that for me, which is why at so many points along the road, I felt trapped in someone else's life. And to be honest, I think many, many people, are weak enough to want just that- to settle with their counter part's ideal simple life, at any cost to ever seeking their own.
I, on the other hand, refuse to settle. And what I mean by that word, isn't finding the most educated, high paid, eloquent, social and outgoing world traveler. I'm not talking about what's on paper. I'm talking about how someone makes you feel. I refuse to settle, because my life is mine, and call it bitchy or egotistical, no one deserves to be a part this life I've worked my ass off for, unless they are deserving. I'm not looking for someone to give me the life I've always wanted. I'm doing that for myself. But maybe one day, if I'm lucky, I'll happen to meet someone who has done the same, and respects me for that. In the meantime, I have no problem being the single socialite I am, because quite frankly, I have no problem being 28, and staying home alone sometimes catching up on TV and relaxing.
Its safe to say, however, this has been an unexpected learning process that has challenged me not only to look at myself, but also re-evaluate some of the things that actually do matter- many of which can't be found on a profile or in a picture.
Match, on.
(some more interesting reading material on this topic)
http://www.ivydate.com/blo
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