Day Four: Texting... After Midnight

It's official- as I have a direct link on my internet browser to match.com. I'm not sure if this move was efficient or pathetic.

The past five days have been... interesting.

First, I'm exhausted. Why? Because I spend so much time at night trying to play catch up with all these messages, that every day I have been going to bed after midnight. And this isn't the kind of after midnight pretty lights made popular. This is crash and burn. 

Aside from exhaustion, I learned my first valuable lesson about my interaction with the eligible men of Match. Yesterday, I recieved a "VIP" email. Apparently this is a big deal, since you can only send one a week. I guess its supposed to make me feel special? Regardless, after I kindly explained to this interest located basically on the border of Wisconsin that I am not really interested, as I'm looking for someone that lives in the city, he persisted and begged that we just talk and see where things go. Out of guilt and pity, I then proceed to innocently give him my phone number.

MISTAKE.

Simultaneously, as I must have been on some guilt trip streak, because I also gave my number to a kid who also lived in WI purely because he was hot, and asked if he could take me to dinner. 

MISTAKE 2.

Fool me one, shame on you. Fool me twice? I'm an idiot. Maybe the exhaustion was getting to my brain?

For the next several hours, past the hour of midnight, my phone is getting constant texts. Between Tweedle Dumb who is trying to get me to play 20 questions, and Tweedle Dumber who asked if he could get in his car and drive to my apartment that night, I realized my screening process was going to need some revisions. 

I know I'm new to all of this, but honestly, I should have known better. When I woke up for work today, and Tweede One had already sent me a message saying good morning, and it was at that point I had to draw the line and give a subtle hint. And by subtle, I basically had to be a bitch. And here I am, once again, feeling like the bad guy thanks to the pathetic people I can't help but reject. Moving forward, I'm just deleting if I have reason to. Like, if someone's location isn't Chicago, they are getting deleted unless they are good looking enough to produce model like offspring.

Here is my new list of reasons to delete your message instantly under any circumstances:

1. If you are over 38
2. If you are under 24
3. If you have a gotee or other strange facial hair
4. If you aren't IN Chicago
5. If you work for a union
6. If you have a sleeve tatoo or wearing a gold chain
7. If you clearly don't take care of yourself
8. If in your profile you only exercise 1-2 times per week
9. If your profile has 8 paragraphs as a summary
10. If your email ONLY says "hey", "wow", "Can I buy you a drink", or "I don't like sushi"
11. If anything in your headline is clearly mis-spelled, and its not because you were typing fast.
12. If you didn't finish college
13. If you're just ugly

Everything else is simply subjective, but moving forward these are no exceptions. Regardless, whoever you are out there in Match world, nothing is worth sacrificing my beauty sleep over. From now on, there is only one thing that should be keeping me up after midnight.